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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

MiNoR oPeRaTiOn SucCeeD!!!

There's been something at my lips for a almost a month. At first I thought it was an ulcer and it'll gone later. But after almost a month, that thing remain and I felt really uncomfortable...When I eat or drink something hot, it become worst. So yesterday morning I decided to go to the clinic to ask for medicine. I kinda regret that decision somehow because I am the hate-clinic type. Unfortunately this time, I'm the one who wants to go to the clinic in the first place which is very weird. Last time my friends had to FORCE me! I really thought that I went there just to take the medicine and everything will be fine...But, that's not what happen...


Doc : Ok, there's only one solution for this. Even if I give you tons of medicine, that thing will remain there. No worries, we're just gonna alter your lips a lil bit
Me : Meaning?
Doc : Meaning...we're gonna do a small incision to get rid of that thing
Me : hahaha, doc, I like your joke...( I really thought he was joking with me)
Doc : Ok, so come again tomorrow at 9

Then only I realise he meant it...

So, this morning I went to the clinic. Though I look really calm on the outside, believe me when I say I wanna CHOKE him to death when he purposely show the injection to me! Grrr....

Doc : So, let's make your lips like Angelina Jolie..but the out come will be a lil bit different because only one side will be big 

Ok doc, your are about to inject me, so it's not funny...

Then, the injection went through my lips and it was AWWWWsome.... It HURTS!!! When I went out the clinic, everyone was looking at me, well actually, looking at my protruding lips...

I got a few stitches and I am now writing this entry with HUGE discomfort as the anesthesia has slowly gone






Monday, June 13, 2011

That pair of shoes


“Dad, can u buy me a new shoes please? Because the old one can’t be used anymore... Every time I wear it, the little stones get into my shoes as there are too many holes under it…”

Dad secretly took out an old wallet that doesn’t look like a wallet anymore. He checked the wallet hoping to find a few notes so that he can buy a new shoe for his beloved daughter Ana although he knew there’s nothing in it except business cards given by the promoter found when he walked in the shopping mall. Still, he looked in the wallet diligently thinking that he might have put a few dollars and forgot about it. But, nothing came in sight. It hurts his heart and pride. His little angel complaining about the little stones that hurts her feet and he can’t do anything about it. A long sigh came out his mouth- slow enough that the little girl in front of him didn’t realize.

“Honey…I promise  I’ll buy you a new shoes. But, not now. Can you please give me a few days? Then, we’ll buy something nice for these little toes” Dad said while tickling her feet which cause her to laugh and struggling to escape from her father. Her laughter brings him joy and spirit to work harder.
7 years ago, when Ana was I year old, he went to a restaurant with his beloved wife to celebrate Ana’s birthday. Every thing was perfectly arranged and they had already overwhelmed with the happiness of celebrating Ana’s birthday. Conversely, the drunken driver crushed his car and Ana’s mother died trying to protect Ana while he himself stuck at the driver’s place with both legs couldn’t be moved. The injury was so bad that one of the legs couldn’t be saved anymore. The situation became worse when he stopped working as he couldn’t help being away with Ana. The lost of his wife really affected his life and he doesn’t want to lose Ana as well. Thus, he couldn’t believe anyone to take care of her except himself…
With only one leg left, he tried to do any works that he is capable of. However, not much would hire him as they are afraid that he can’t be a productive worker. Fortuitously, after so much difficulty, he managed to get a work as a car washer. He’s given 3 dollars for every car that he washed. Thus, no matter how tired he is, he never complained and washed every cars that came to the shop together with another worker.
But this week, the weather was not on his side. Every day was visited by heavy rain and there is no one that fools enough to wash their cars on rainy days…

“Daddy…I think there’s blood on my sock…”

“W..what happen to your feet? How did this happen? Did you step on something? I told you to always wear your shoes especially when you’re playing at the playground…”

“I did wear the shoes, but there too many holes under it I felt like I was walking bare feet…” Ana answered with tears came rolling down her pink cheek because of the pain she had to endure.

He looked at the shoes and Ana was right. The blood on Ana’s feet tore his heart apart. How could he let something like that happen to his little angel…He took a wet towel and wiped the wounded foot while his other hand wiping the tears gently and lovingly. Deep inside his heart, he wanted to scream out loud to express the agony of looking at his little girl hurt because of him, because he couldn’t get her a pair of new shoes…
The next morning was just as gloomy as yesterday. There are no sounds of birds chirping happily. Al that left was the sound of thunder and strong wind. The rain haven’t stop and he can’t just wait at the car wash when he knows that he’ll be waiting for nothing. So, in order to get Ana’s new shoes, he went searching for empty cans, papers, bottles and anything that can be recycled. He went from house to house, dustbin to dustbin and everywhere that has a lot of those. He ignored the coldness of walking in his rain-drenched clothes as in his mind, there’s only a pair of new shoes for Ana.
Ana who is now 8 years old is old enough to understand the difficulty that his father had to go through in order to get her a new pair of shoes. Although her dad has never shown his exhaustion back from work in front of her, the drenched clothes and his pale blue lips for being too long in the rain is more than enough to describe the whole thing…Deep inside, Ana regretted her request...She knows that her father struggled everyday and unknowingly, tears welled in her eyes. She closes her eyes tightly and prays that God will bestow her beloved father with strength and patience.

“Ana…come here sweetheart. I got something for you. But, close your eyes first…”

“Daddy…how am I going to see if I close my eyes…”

He gently put on the new shoes that he bought at the market at her feet. Ana knew at the moment her father had bought the shoes. No words can describe her feelings at that time and only tears of gratefulness shows her gratitude towards mr. daddy.

Sadly, the shoes can’t be used after a week later... It was worse than the old shoes she had! The sole of the shoes was made from a low quality of PVC , low enough that she accidentally tear it apart when trying to escape from a hole she fell in. But, she could never ask for another pair. She could not bear another sight of looking at her father came back from work shivering and the thing that hurts her the most is the fake smile he tried to carve trying to hide the pain he had gone through the whole day…So, she kept it to herself. Every time she walks through a wet path, her socks drenched in water and when she walks on rocky path, every single stones don’t miss the chance of hurting her soles. But she didn’t complain…Not a single word uttered to her father. Whenever he asks her about her shoes, she said

“I like it Daddy…it think it’ll last till next year. It’s very comfortable I don’t wanna take it off…” she said with a bright smile on her face. Dad was satisfied with it and he too smiled proudly thinking that his daughter doesn’t need to suffer anymore.

When Ana was walking back from school, she felt like she was walking with bare foot. When she lifted up her foot, just like what she imagined, the sole of the shoes was totally broken. There is no way she can fix it and she couldn’t pretend wearing it anymore as it was obvious the shoe was broken. Instead of heading home, she stopped at an old hut placed not too far from her house. It has been a secret place where she rested in whenever she felt too tired of facing the obstacles in her life. The hut decorated with the wild flowers that she found nearby always managed to tranquil her worried heart. But this time, it fails…All she could do was burst into tears. She knew that her father will buy a new one whenever he sees the shoes. But she doesn’t want that. She would rather walk bare foot than asking for a new pair. Burdening her father is the last thing she wanted to do…So there she sobbed, alone….hurt...Deep inside her heart, she prayed hard that she can have a new shoes without having to burden her father…

She went home with heavy steps. She wished she doesn’t have to go back and faced her father. As she walks bare foot carrying both shoes in her hand, she was thinking of works that she can do to gain money so that she can buy the shoes using her own money although she knew dad would totally opposed it. He said she was still little…
When she came home, dad was not in the house. She quickly hides the shoes in the place her father couldn’t notice.

“Ana…daddy’s home…”

“Hai dad…how’s your day?”

“It was awesome! I got a new job as a cleaner at a big company. The owner is a nice man. He still wants to hire me despite my condition. And you know what…the best thing is, he gave me my salary on my first day! So, I buy something for you…come closer sweetheart”

“Dad…you don’t have to do that…We can use the money to buy food and new clothes for you. When is the last time you wear a new shirt dad?”

“You are just like your mom…ha…I miss her…” As he finished the sentence, he showed her a white box, wrapped with ribbon. Giving the box to her, he asked her to open it

“Daddy…it’s a…shoe….”

“Yes sweetheart, it’s a shoe…no matter how hard you hide it from me, I’ll always know. Remember, I’m both your dad and mom...you could never lie to me. Every night when you fell asleep, I’ll go to your room and put medicine under your feet whenever the stones hurt you. I whisper in your ears prayers so that you’ll hang on while I think of something to make our lives better…Sweetheart, I promise you, our lives are going to be better from now on as I now have a permanent job.”

We hugged and cried together.


“Thanks dad…thank you so much…”

Ana learnt a lot about love, sacrifice, patience, hope and a lot more through the pair of shoes. She’ll treasure her memories of growing up although it’s not as luxury and sweet as others, it’s something that helps a lot to shape her into a better person.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

hApPy MoThEr'S DaY MAMA!!! :D

A letter for mama…
Assalamualaikum mama…Happy mother’s day , may Allah will always bless you and may He always send strength and happiness as your companion..
Mama…
There are so many things that you had gone through in raising us…thank you so much ma..May Allah pay all your patience in handling with difficulties that we had cause. It HURTS  to see your hand HURTS when there are so many customers, it HURTS to see people mistreated you just because…let the reason be hidden…it HURTS when looking at your sad face thinking about what to do next so that you can provide us with as much comfort as possible…
Mama…
I remembered when I made you cried, it was my first and I promise that’ll be the LAST! I hate myself for making you cry, I hate myself for being so SELFISH and STUBBORN..Forgive me mama…
Mama…
You have to face so many things, so many difficulties and I know that at times, you were just too tired..if only I could take that burden away and make it mine…You are a very WONDERFUL  woman, I wonder if I could be as good as you when I become a mother later on…
Mama…
I love you…I’m sorry for all my wrong doing, I’m sorry for all the troubles I had cause you..I’m sorry for not being a good daughter. I don’t wanna promise because I might break it…But ma, I’ll try my best to be a better daughter, one that can erase your exhaustion when you are tired and make you happy when you are sad. May Allah will always give you strength and patience…I love you ma..:)

Friday, May 6, 2011

E.M.O

Salam everyone!!! Let us begin the day with a smile and thank Allah for giving us another chance to live and the chance to correct our yesterday's mistakes...
This entry will be about EMO. Nop...not this emo....

EMO stands for 'Event Management Organization'.Aida and I had given our name to enter this but we didn't know we'll be auditioned!!So, this morning we went for the interview session. Well actually, I forgot that the audition will be done this morning (I’m  a short-term memory type :P) Luckily Aida called me this morning asking why I didn’t come.  I quickly put my book The village by the sea by Anita Desai(there’s no way I’m going to finish reading it this weekend if my lecturer didn’t ask me toO…) away and grab suitable clothe. At first I thought of not going because I’ll definitely gonna attract attention for coming late…but I like doing stuff like this. It teaches me to be more confident and as a teacher, I need to have knowledge about organizing events. As a freshie in school, I’ll definitely be asked to organize events; so hopefully, I’ll be part of this club so that I can learn the actual protocol in handling events.
There are 4 stations during the audition and we have to do different things in each station and among the activities are presenting ourselves in a creative and confident way, walking while holding things and reciting poem, pantun, syair and seloka.
Alhamdulillah, everything run smoothly and although it’s embarrassing when I’ve to stand on the stage and pretending to be a host in NONA, there are a lot of new things that I’d learnt today. The most important thing is it helps to enhance my self-confidence. The names qualified to enter EMO club will be announced this Monday, wish us luck! J

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Seasickness....


A conversation between me and my little bro, well, not toO little, he's 19 already...

Angah (me): How's sailing?
Adek: Gile fun! We travelled around 25km from Teluk Batik

Angah: tak seasick ke? jauh tu...
Adek: Almost la...but the excitement surpass everything. But most of my friends vomit la, coz the waves were big in d middle of the ocean...How's kayak? 

Angah: Great! But...hehehe, seasick during kayaking is unavoidable. 

Adek: Pehh..agak da...HAHAHA

Yup, that is what I really need, a big laugh from my little brother (-_-)'..grrrrr... But, I'm proud of you adek! Sailing isn't easy and you manage to complete the journey. May you'll get to experience lots of other wonderful things in your life...amin...

What I want to write is about seasickness. Frankly, seasickness didn’t really come across my mind until we were in the middle of the sea…Alhamdulillah, my partner is our instructor named Pak Itam and he is super duper awesome! Alhamdulillah… I wasn’t asked to be grouped with other boys or else…I think I’m gonna choke myself to death due to embarrassment!!! But Allah always knows the best for His servant and He knows our capability…Alhamdulillah ya Allah…

What happen was I got seasickness in the middle of the sea… I started to feel nausea and everything in my stomach seems jumping up and down waiting for the exit. Pak Itam realized this and he patted my back forcing me to v_m_t coz there’s no other way I’m feeling better other than this…The worst part was, I have to do it inside of the kayak as the kayak might turn up side down if I do it another way…Yup, I know what you’re thinking…

I felt so terrible but I want to continue the next activity which is standing on kayak but Pak Itam prevented me. He brought me to the jetty and asked me to relax. Thanks Pak Itam! Love you lah! J Still, I’ve to ride back to our camp site and my thoughts were filled with the bitter experience I gone through earlier..Oh no…:(

Another instructor approached me and reminded me to eat as little as possible and he said that it depends on our spirit to fight seasickness. Yup, .:SPIRIT:.
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgAdLOADPer4O3va7Jrp6-jU-VWYFErbmmdlpVxZM12j3NhWKVsh1mcLx9fjV_YVUAdkDk97m7WgKA3iFuHYlzLKbX9VlZ61RLGnXstehp6lfpdW74LthKEN4XaI2cq-tPIsOLng9yC8Q5/s320/kayaking.jpg
exhausting but awesame experience 
Then, I click a refresh button in my memory and install a new order. Mr. Brain, do not get seasick! You can do this! You are way better than this, a slight rocking wouldn’t get you down…then I started the journey with Bismillahirrahmanirrahim…

The weather were bad on our way back as the wind were strong and I felt the kayak were rocking so much that the nausea felt even worse! I almost give up and thinking of putting down the paddle and ride the rescuing boat. But there’s something prevented me from doing so, which is..WHO I’M GOING TO BE IN THE FUTURE
Yes, that’s it. I am going to be a TEACHER and the rides I’m going to go through in the future are way challenging than this. I talk to myself that I got to reach the sea shore by my own strength and spirit no matter what happen because later on, my students will be counting on me to lead the direction of their journey…
With new mind set and spirit, I ignore the dizziness and look straight at the sea shore as if I’m going to win 1 million dollars once I reach there. Another thing that encourages me to finish is the kalimah ‘lailahaillallah’- there’s no other God other than Allah and I hold on to this kalimah. No matter how hard the situation is and no matter whatever thing we face, only He knows the best, and only He is the source of our strength, With this, I get my spirit back and paddled to the seashore. Although I still feel like sitting on a swing once I'm on shore, Alhamdulillah, I manage to do it...:) 

So, now I want to share a little bit info about seasickness:

According to Wikipedia, Seasickness is a form of motion sickness characterized by a feeling of nausea and, in extreme cases,vertigo, experienced after spending time on a craft on water. It is typically brought on by the rocking motion of the craft. Some people are particularly vulnerable to the condition with minor stimulus, while others are relatively immune, or become immune through exposure.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4UJYdc3VNAw9klx0f4sZL5rFP-0KSO1iZZk8GK_1heM6bF6IIaADxTTeofBsocsJMpwzymnYX7QHzL7BngEoasDhOYmd0lh3kO7__GjP0-No0-3nSvBRoCGWco3ubWmEPknrAR9cY0dIb/s200/istockphoto_2227500-dizzy-swan.jpg
even a duck experience seasickness :p
So what can we do to avoid seasickness:

Sucking on crystallized ginger, sipping ginger tea or taking a capsule of ginger
Keeping  eyes directed to the fixed shore or horizon, where possible
Smell sour fruits like orange
Breath in fresh air and keep mind occupied  

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Here,but gone...

You're standing in front of me
But I can't feel your presence
You are laughing
But all I hear is crying
You are here beside me
Yet, I'm still missing you..
Your soul has left your body
A walking statue-empty inside
Tell me what I can do
To have back the old you...
If only I could chase away
The agony that overwhelmed you
If only I could wipe away
The pain that crept inside you
I'll do..I'll do....I'll do....
You're here but you're gone
I just wish you are moving on...

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

When I say I love you....


“Zaref, this is too much. It has not been a month since Daddy ikat jamin Zaref for going to the club, and now you got caught again?! Klu ye pon nak pegi club sgt, kan Daddy dah pesan suruh pegi club yg kawan Daddy punye…takde la kene tangkap…buat malu Daddy ngn Mummy je”

“Zaref do you know that you have to attend the counseling session?? This is too embarrassing Zaref. Look, we have decided that you ‘ll stay with  Atok starting from tomorrow!”

“Woowoo…wait a second. Mummy, daddy, if u guys want to beleter sampai esok pagi pon I don’t mind. But living with Atok is way too much…Please, give me one more chance and I’ll promise you’ll never heard me involve in anything like this anymore, I swear.”

Tapi Tan Sri Zaidi and Puan sri Maria aka Mummy and daddy dah pun buat keputusan muktamad. So, I’ll end up finishing my  last couple  weeks of semester break kat rumah Atok. Huh, padan muke aku, tula,  yg pandai sangat pegi ikut Dean tu kenape??  Aku da la jarang balik kampung because I  never like the environment. Bile parents aku balik kampung, I  will give so much excuses so I wouldn’t have to go back. Tapi nampaknya kali ni aku da takde pilihan. Either balik kampung or allowance and kereta sport aku kene tarik. Uih, nyawe aku tu..so aku lebih rela habiskan mase kat kampung dengan atok..hai..apela nasib..
...............................................................................................................................................
“Abah, kami ingat nak suruh Zaref duduk sini dalam cuti ni. Yela, die pon jarang balek kampung, nila peluang die nak kenal kampung die..” Daddy memulakan bicara dengan Atok without telling the truth. Yela, gile ape nak bitau Atok aku balik kampung sebab nak elak pegi counseling session? Mau kojol orang tua  tu kne heart attack!

“Bagus jugak budak tu duduk sini, aku pon tak berape kenal cucu sendiri. Dah, kalau nak menengok orangnye setaun sekali pon payah. Lagi pon ade jugak orang menolong aku kat kebun tu”

Wait, did I just heard kebun? Arrgghhh!!! Lepas ni bermulela hikayat Zaref jd tukang kebun. Ni aku lemah ni, kat umah sume pakai order je, ni aku kene gunakan  badan aku yang berharge ni wat keje??? Atok plak dah la suke gune kuasa veto die. Masak aku..masak…

“Zaref, da siap-siap kemas tu kang pergi bersiap. Kite solat jemaah kat masjid”
“Ah..haa..erm..orite, Zaref memang da biase jemaah ni tok..”
Adeh, baru je jejak kaki kat umah Atok dah orang tua tu ajak solat jemaah..jangan kate solat jemaah, solat sendiri pon aku tunggang langgang. Yela, mummy ngan daddy mane penah peduli aku sembahyang ke tak..Diorang pon tak buat, maunye nak suruh aku pulak yang buat…
.................................................................................................................................                            
“Tok, x awl sgt ke kite pegi ni..masuk waktu pon tak lagi…” Da la jalan kaki je plak tu..motor kete ade kat umah tak nak plak die gune..

“Lagi bagus pegi awal2…mase yang ade bley la kite gune utk mengaji. Ha, sebut pasal mengaji, kamu da berape kali khatam?”
“Aih tok, takkan kene potong banyak kali kot..sekali cukupla, saket tu…”
“Budak ni..aku tanye KHATAM bukan KHATAN”
“Oo…hehe..erm. .Zaref tak kire la tok bape kali” Klu la atok tau aku mengaji pon merangkak lagi..
“Ha, klu gitu maknanye da banyak kali la ni. Bgusla kalau macam tu, nanti esok lepas subuh tolong atok mengajar budak2 mengaji”
“Ha???!!!!” 

Naseb bek aku tak pitam tengah jalan ni. Tapi blank jap pale otak aku. Kalau akula yang ajar mengaji, bley sesat dak2 tu. Tapi takpe, buat mase ni setuju je dulu, esok aku pikirla macam mane nak escape..
Cantik gak masjid ni, tapi sebab kitorang sampai awal, tak ramai lagi orang datang masjid.
“Zaref, nanti kamu jadi muazzin ye. Kate diorng, nak dengar pulak alunan azan dari orang muda”
Nak suh aku azan??? Mane aku reti..kot suh nyayi lagu MCR ke, Bon Jovi ke, System of a down ke, anytime..Time azan kat tv pon aku slalu tukar..

“Uhuk..Uhuk..erm, xpela tok..Uhuk..sebenarnye Zaref saket tekak ni”
“Aih, tadi atok tengok ko ok je. Siap boleh melalak lagi dalam bilek air td”
“Ni bru je saket tekak tok. Maybe time jalan tadi banyak debu…”

Akhirnye aku terlepas dari kene azan. Time solat aku ikot je ape orang buat..da lame sangat aku tinggal solat, sampai carenye pon aku x ingat. Last aku solat time kene ujian PAFA kat sekolah dulu..Bacaan lagi la aku tak igt, yang aku tau time berdiri bace fatihah. Most of my friends are non-muslims and I have never been really exposed to the Islam way of life. Huh, tension tol duduk ngan atok  ni! Mende yg tak penah aku wat kat umah, sume aku kene wat.

“Assalamualaikum..tok mat, assalamualaikum..”
Mak aih..cunnye awek ni. Kulit cerah mulus ala-ala model. Ni macam kalah awek2 yang penah aku date dlu.
“Hai, awak cari atok ke? Beliau takde, baru  jap tadi keluar. Awak cari atok sy buat ape, bukan hensem pon..ha, ni cucu die yg hensem adela”
Eish, tolongla mamat ni. Naik bernanah telinge aku dengar.  Sumpah perasan!
“Sy cume nak bitau tok mat, esok sy nak tolong die tolong ajrkan budak2 tu mengaji dekat surau lepas subuh. Awak tolong bitau kat die ye, erm tu je. Sy balek dulu.”
“Eh, la..awalnye la nak balek..kot ye pon bitaula name, alamat, no tepon, favourite food, hobby…”
“Takpela, sy tak berminat nak kasik biodata dekat orang yang sy tak kenal”

Mak aih minah ni. Berlagak gle! Takat ko ni, aku ley carik berlambak. Sape tak kenal Zaref, aku kentot pon aweks datang kat aku tau!

“Sedari..utk pengetahuan sedari, aku pon tak berminat sangat nak tau pasal ko sebenarnye..saje nak isi mase lapang je ni”
“Uish, memang pekdah aktiviti mase lapang ko ni. Jangan lupe cakap kat tok mat ape yg aku bitau”

Aku menyampah betol mamat yang perasan bagus. Cmne la die bley jadi cucu tok mat. Time die lahir agaknye tertukar ngan baby katil sebelah gamaknye.
…………………………………………………………
“Tok, td ade pompuan ntah mane dtg, ckp die nak tolong atok ajar budak2 tu mengaji.”
“Ni mesti anak Pak Hassan, si Sara. Alhamdulillah, bagus ade anak muda macam tu. Ade mase lapang tolong membina rohani anak2 kampung. Kamu pon sepatutnye macam tu la Zaref, bile kat umah nanti, kamu buatla aktiviti yang boleh membina rohani kawan2 sebaya kamu”

Tak dapat aku bayangkan Dean, Danny, Kid dan yg sama waktu dengannya join aktiviti islamik. Kalau diorng join, klu tak tebiat, tak lame da la tu maknenye…aku ni pon kalau tau dek dak2 tu, sumpah kene gelak guling2 siap package ngan sindiran ‘membina’ lg. Bosannya suasana  malam kat kampung ni..klu kat KL ni kompem aku ngah berseronok ngan aweks tak pon ngah layan muzik penenang jiwa kat club. Kat sini, special concert cengkerik n d gang ade la. Arrrgghhh!!! Bley gle aku duk cni!!!
Ntah bile mase aku tertdo, sedar2 atok da ade depan mate dengan kain pelekat n kopiah kat kepala. Ni mesti ajak aku sembahyang Subuh kat masjid ni..

“Zaref…bangun cu..da lewat da ni. Jom, ikot atok pegi masjid”
‘Ala tok..atok pegi jela. Tak yah kesah pasal Zaref, nanti Zaref sembahyang sndri kat umah…”
“Kamu penat agaknye, xpela, hari ni kamu solat kat umah je. Tapi jangan lupe solat pulak. Kejap lagi da nak msuk waktu da ni”
“Ape-ape je la tok..atok g jela”

Aku memang pantang orang kejut aku bangun pagi. Selagi aku belom puas tido, tolongla jangan kacau tido aku, kalau tak,  temperature aku naek atas paras didih. Seb bek ni atok, kalau bibik yang kejot aku kompem aku fire time tu jugak. Atok da blah ni sedap cket tdo..Now, it’s just me and you inchek katil..

“Zaref..bangun Zaref, ko solat subuh tak tadi?”
“Tak…” Separuh sedar aku jwb soklan atok.
“Astaghfirullah budak ni, kalau atok tau ko tak bangun, atok tunggu ko bangun baru atok pegi. Zaref, bangunla, sudah-sudahla tidonya tu..da pukul 11 da ni”
“Atok ni sibukla! Suka hati Zaref la nak bangun pukul berapa pun, nak sembahyang ke tak ke! Mummy ngan Daddy tak penah kesah pon. Atok je yang lebih2. Hish, menyusahkan betol!” Aku tak suke betol orang ganggu aku pagi2 ni. Lagipon sampai bile aku nak berpura2 depan atok..Solat pon aku tak reti..

“Zaref…cube bagitau atok ape sebenarnye yang terbuku dalam hati Zaref tu..atok nak dengar semuanya. Tak payah nak sembunyi dengan atok..”
Aik, atok tak marah ke aku marah die tadi?? Makin lembut pulak suara die…Adoi..ni yang aku lemah ni. Wat aku rase bersalah pulak..
“Okla tok, kalau atok nak tau ape yang sebenarnye dalam hati Zaref, Zaref nak bitau atok yang Zaref tak suke duduk ngan atok. Zaref datang sini pon sebab Zaref nak elak kene pegi counseling session sebab Zaref kene tangkap dekat club. Dan untuk pengetahuan atok jugak, Zaref TAK RETI sembahyang, Zaref da lame sangat tinggal. Mummy ngan Daddy tak penah peduli pon pasal Zaref. Jadi bila duduk sini kene pegi jemaah kat masjid, kene bagun subuh. Zaref tension la tok..”
“Kat umah, ko tak penah solat? Mak ngan bapak ko pon?”
“Ye tok..Zaref nak jumpe diorng kat umah pon payah sebab due2 bz..”
“Zaref..kenape la ko tak terus terang dengan atok..Kalau atok tau takde la atok buat macam ni. Macam ni la, kite belajar dari mula. Pegi mandi, lepas tu atok ajar Zaref solat dulu. Sebab solat tu sangat penting bagi orang Islam”
“Erk…kalau tak payah tak boleh ke?? Hehehe, erm, lagipon susah la tok..badan da liat, da degil..”
“Zaref, kalau tak start sekarang bile Zaref nak mule? Lagi pon, solat ni membezakan kita dengan orang bukan Islam. Takkan name je Islam tapi gaya hidup tak mengikut cara hidup Islam. Bekalan ape yang Zaref nak bawak ke akhirat nanti? Kalau Allah jemput Zaref dalam keadaan Zaref da lame tinggal solat, ape yang mampu Zaref buat? Nak kembali ke dunia? Time tu Zaref menangis air mate darah pon  tak guna dah tau.”

Tang! Rse cam kepala ni kene hentak ngan kayu golf..kalau Allah jemput aku sekarang…bekalan ape yang aku ade…Why haven’t I realize this for all this while..Sejahil-jahil aku pon, aku tau ade neraka syurga..Aku tak mau masuk neraka…
Start from that moment, I learn to pray, to recite prayer, to recite al-Quran  and a lot of other things. I learn to be a real muslim..and for that I’m thankful that I’m living with atok now. And the most important thing, I am grateful that Allah had shown me the correct path. The feeling I have now is something that I can’t express with words. The tranquility that overwhelmed me is something I have never felt before. One that I try to find between the loud music in the club, and behind the laughter and giggles of the girls that have always surrounded me. All those fail to make me feel like this. ..
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“Zaref, minggu depan JKK kampung ade buat program kerohanian untuk budak2 muda kampung ni. Tapi aktivitinya tak buat kat sini, buat dekat Hulu Selangor. Kamu nak pergi Zaref?”
“Program kerohanian…macam best je dengarnye tu tok..bolehla. Lagipon Zaref memang nak tambah ilmu agama Zaref, rase macam terlalu banyak lagi yag Zaref tak tau tok, walapun hakikatnya Zaref da 23 taun hidup sebagai seorang muslim.”
“Bagusla macam tu, nanti kamu pergi jumpe dengan Sara. Die yang handle pendaftaran peserta.”
Sara? Ni mesti awek yang hari tu ni. Bagus gak budak ni pergi, ade chance la aku nak ayat. Bak kate orang dolu2, menyelam sambil minum air…hehehe
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“Assalamualaikum..
“Waalaikumussalam..ye ade ape nak? Anak cari sape?”  Salam aku dijawab oleh wanita pertengahan 50-an. Ni mesti mak Sara. Patutla minah tu lawa, mak die da tue2 pon boleh tahan.
“Saya Zaref, cucu Tok Mat. Saya datang nak jumpe Sara, untuk program kerohanian tu”
“Oo..ha, masukla Zaref. Duduk dulu, nanti makcik panggilkan Sara”
Mak aih…minah ni memang lawa. Kalau aku dapat awek ni kompem Dean ngan Kid melopong tengok.
“Ni borang, ko isi semua detail ko. Nanti ade briefing dekat surau lepas isyak. Kalau ade ape2 ko nak tau ko boleh tanye Pak Mail sebab die pengurusnye.”
“Oo..erm, aku nak tnye sikit boleh? “
“Tanyela, insyaAllah kalau aku tau, aku boleh jawab”
“Ko… da ade boyfriend ke?”
“Lupe plak aku nak cakap, kalau pertanyaan yang takde kaitan dengan program, aku rase tak yah la aku jawab. Tapi sebab ko da tanye dulu, aku terpaksala jawab kan..aku takde boyfriend lagi dan aku tak rase aku akan ade boyfriend mase akan datang”
“Ko ni…lesbo ke?”
“Weh, gile ke?! Aku tak terlibat ngan hubungan songsang ni tau!”
“Dah..ko gak kate ko takkan ade boyfriend mase akan datang, kalau tak lesbo ape lg?”
“En. Zaref..maksud aku, aku tak nak ade boyfriend sebab aku tak nak couple...”
“Abes, ko nak jadi andartu?”
“Kalau tak couple tak semestinye aku tak nak kahwin…Camnila, nanti dalam program tu ade bab nikah. Nanti ko dengar elok2 ye”
Mamat ni memang zero bab2 ni. Memang bagusla die pergi program ni. Lagi pon Tok Mat ade jugak bitau hari tu kalau ade program yang macam ni suruh masukkan name cucu die. Kate tok mat, die perlukan banyak pengisian…Rasenye faham dah maksud tok mat tu..
“Ok, aku da siap isi. Ko bagila no tepon ko, senang aku nak tanye ape2..”
Hehehe..sebenarnye supaya senang la aku nak borak ngan ko..
“Ok, 013-3785225”
Akhirnye…hai Sara..lurus bendul gak ko ni..
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“013-3785225..Hello, hai…erm..you wat ape tu? Takdela, tetibe I teringat kat u, so sebelum tido ni, I saje call you”
“Assalamualaikum…sape ni? Nak cakap ngan sape?”
Aik, Sara sakit tekak ke? Apsal suara macam lelaki?
“Erk..ni sape ye?”
“Ni Pak Mail, anak ni sape? Nak cakap dengan sape?”
“Ss..sy salah no. Takpela pak cik ye..bye”
Sara!!!!!!!!!!!!! Memang minah ni saje cari pasal. Mati2 aku ingat no tepon ko..Takpe2, ade ubi ade bas, len hari aku balas!
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“Baiklah semua peserta boleh ambil tempat masing2. Yang muslimah duduk belakang, muslimin sila ke hadapan. Harap semua peserta selesa dengan bilek masng2. Kalau ade pape masalah boleh contact ajk kite ye. Lepas ni kite boleh makan, lepas makan semua peserta boleh rehat dulu sebab kite pon baru sampai. Aktiviti kita akan mula malam ni, insyaAllah”

Semua orang bersongkok berkopiah, aku sorang je pakai jeans ngan rambut ala-ala model korea. Naseb baik part rambut yang aku highlight da kene cantas dengan atok..Kalau tak, memang jadi tumpuan umum aku ni… Sumpah aku rase nak balek…
Aik, diorng ni, kate nak makan. Mane pinggannye? Mane tempat buffetnye? Aku da lapr ni..
Time aku ngah duk sibok cari pinggan and detect mane diorng letak lauk, ade sorang mamat datang sape aku

“Assalamualaikum…nama ana Irfan. Anta?”
“Erk..aku..name aku Zaref”
Sambil berjabat tangan aku introduce diri aku. Mamat ni ngan kopiah ngan baju raihan, sumpah nampak macam pegawai agama time aku kene cekup dulu.
“Anta macam cari something je? Ade ape2 boleh ana tolong?”
“Aku..aku cari pinggan, kate da boleh makan..tapi tak nampak pon buffet set”
“Oo…sebenarnye kat sini kite tak makan buffet. Kte makan  berjemaah, makan dalam dulang”
“Hah?!”
“Jom ikut ana, kte pergi makan dengan peserta lain”
Oo..macam ni ke diorang makan..boleh kenyang ke camni?? Lagipon duk ramai2 kumpul satu dulang, tak selesanya…Hilang selera makan aku cmni
“Erm..takpela, aku tak lapar da. Aku balek bilek dulu la”
“Eh, tunggu dulu Zaref, msti anta tak biasa makan macam ni kan? Takpe, anta try dulu. Kalau anta tak suke, next time, mase makan ana akn mintak pihak pengurusan serve untuk anta satu hidangan”
Nak tak nak kene jugakla makan….
Ape perasaan ni ek? Rase….rase tenang, rase seronok, rase cam aku ade ramai adek beradik. Kalau kat umah besenye aku makan, TV tak pon letop teman aku. Tapi kat sini, bile makan ramai-ramai dalam satu dulang ni rase macam kitorang da lame kenal. Walaupun aku macam ni, diorang tak pandang serong kat aku..tak perli2 aku…First time aku rase orang nak berkenalan dengan aku bukan sebab aku anak Tan Sri tapi sebab AKU.
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“Apa tujuan kita hidup atas bumi ni? Nak jadi kaya? Ade due tige bijik kete mewah? Nak enjoy smpai sume jenis hiburan kite da rase? Atau nak jadi feymes ala2 justin bieber..baby baby oo…ha..ok tak ana nyanyi? Sebenarnya tujuan kita dihidupkan tak lain dan tidak bukan adalah untuk beribadat kepadaNya… Mereka  yang mencari hiburan berlebihan dan tak patuh pada perintah Allah adalah kerana mereka tidak faham tujuan mereka ada di muka bumi ini. Bila tiada matlamat atau matlamat itu berpaksikan dunia semata-mata, sebab itulah jalan yang dipilih bukan untuk mendekatkan diri kepadaNya tetapi semakin jauh dariNya. Allah telah berfirman dalam surah az-zariyat ayat 56:
“Aku tidak menjadikan jin dan manusia melainkan agar mereka beribadah kepadaKu”(51:58)

Ceramah disambung lagi…

“Hakikat penciptaan kite adalh untuk beribadah pada Allah, kalau kita benar-benar faham konsep ni, takde la banyak orang islam tersadai kat pub2…mslh zina, buang anak, masalah social tak timbul..tp manusia juga lemah…sebab tu kebanyakkan daripada kita banyak yang ikut kate nafsu…Ade orang penah cakap dengan saya, susahnya nak berubah…Memang perubahan tu susah sebab Allah jadikan syurga itu indah. Pilihan kat tangan kita, kalau kita pilih untk bersenang-lenang di dunia dan tak berusaha untuk melawan nafsu, maksudnye kite memilih untuk terseksa di akhirat.

Hadirin hadirat yang ana sayangi…Ingatla yang dunia ni hanya pentas sementara, yang pasti dan abadi tu akhirat. Masih belum  trlmabat untuk kita berubah, jangan tunggu hidayah datang sebab hidayah takkan datang kalau tak dicari..Hadirin yang dirahmati Allah, sebenarnye Allah itu Maha Penyayang sebab da banyak petunjuk yang Dia bagi, tapi kita amek serius tak? Selangkah kita menapak nak mencari redha Allah, dekat lagi Allah datang pada kita untuk membawa kita ke jalan yang diredhaiNya..Ingtla, kalau masih ade teguran untuk kita mksudnye masih ade kasih sayang Allah untuk kita..Jangan sampai satu masa walaupun kita buat salah tp takde sape yang tegur..Seolah-olah masa tu Allah bagi greenlight kite nak wat ape pon…Takutla kita pada masa tu...”

Air mata aku da tak ley tahan da..rase cam sebijik2 kene kat muke…aku tak peduli da orang len pandang aku, aku ase sebak, sedih, terharu…dalam hati aku panjatkan kesyukuran sebab masih ade rahmat untuk aku..Allah masih bagi aku peluang untuk mencari redhaNya…kalau Allah tak bagi petunjuk, aku masih lagi ngn Dean, Kid and geng2 lain yang habiskan mase buat mende tak pekdah..

“Ya Allah aku bersyukur atas nikmat Islam dan iman yang Kau kurniakan…” bisikku dlm hati
Aku lalui hari2 program seterusnye ngan lebih terisi, kitorng bukan takat dgr ceramah je, tapi g msuk hutan, main air terjun…baru aku sedar banyaknye nikmat Allah bagi kat hamba-hamba die. Cantiknye air terjun, tumbuh-tumbuhan yang diciptakanNya.  Keseronokan yang aku rase ni jauh lebih seronok dan manis dari couple ngn awek2 syekshi or g dating, takpon g lepak kat club ngn membe2..Kalau la diorng pon rase ape yang aku rase skrg….”Ya Allah, berilah petunjuk kepada sahabt-sahabatku, tunjukkanla mereka jalan menuju redhaMu..amin ya rabb..amin..”

Sepanjang time program takde da Sara dalam pale otak aku…skrg ni aku nak jadi muslim yang bukan atas name je muslim, aku nak jadi lebih baik..soal jodoh aku serah pada Yang Esa..sesungguhNya Allah tahu yang terbaik untuk hamba-hambaNya. Lagipon Allah da janji dalam surah An-Nur:26
“Perempuan-perempuan yang keji untuk lelaki-lelaki yang keji, dan laki-laki yang keji untuk perempuan-perempuan yang keji(pula) sedangkan perempuan-perempuan yang baik untuk laki-laki yang baik, dan laki-laki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik (pula).
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 “Atok, sem break Zaref da nak abes, so esk Zaref kene balek KL da..”
“Sunyila atok cmni…kalau ko ade, bley jugak ajk2 berbual”
“Takpe tok, pasni, kalau Zaref cuti Zaref akan slalu jengok atok..Atok..terima kasih..terima kasih sebab bimbing Zaref, kalau Zaref tak duk sini agaknye pub tu da jadi umah no 2 zaref…”
“Bagusla kamu da sedar, atok tengok bile kamu balek dari program tu kamu da berubah menjadi semakin baik..Alhamdulillah..atok syukur sgt..lepas ni kamu balek, kamu ajakla mak ayah kamu untuk same2 berubah jugak…”
Perlahan dan sayu suara atok..dari hujung mate die aku nmpak ade air mate bertakung…mungkin atok sedih tak dapat nak bimbing anak dan menantunye..
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Lamenye  tak balek kampung…rindu kat kampung..rindu kat..Astagfirullah…tak leh2, tak leh igt die..
Oh hati…tabahla.. Budak Sara ni pakai tangkal Siam gamaknye, susahnye nak lupe die…time program ari tu aku distracted ngan program2 yang ade…ni da duk sorang2 kat KL ni nape plak la die tetibe muncul…haish..
Kalau aku Zaref yang dulu, da lame da aku kasik bunga, ajk g shopping nek kete skyline den punyo… kompem takde awekz yg tolak...belom sempat aku tanye pon ade yang offer diri nak jadi aweks gueh! Tapi Zaref yang sekarang tak semudah tu nak say I lap u..tak semudah dulu nak bawak kuar anak dara orang..
Teringat aku kate2 Irfan, sahabat yang banyak ajar aku tentang keindahan Islam time program hari tu

“Kalau kite ikhlas sayang kat seseorang tu, kite akan jage die, pelihara die dan lindungi die…contohnye, kalau ade org bagi kat kite something yang mmg kte nak sgt…ape kite akn wat? Msti kte jage die elok2 kan? Macam tu jugak dgn kasih syg…kalau btol kite ikhlas sygkan die, tak yah kuar dating, usung anak dara orang ke sana ke mari, tapi masuk meminang. Klau belom bersedia nak berkahwin, nabi ajar umat die berpuasa utk mengawal nafsu. Itulah erti kasih sayang yang sebenar..Dulu ade seorang sahabat pernah bertanya pd nabi, Ya Rasulullah, adakah lagi perang selepas perang yang dilalui ini? Rasulullah jawab ade, iaitu perang menentang hawa nafsu. InsyaAllah, bsr pahala Allah berikan seandainya kite menentang hawa nafsu kite semate-mate untuk mencari keredhaanNya..ila marodhotillah..”

 Zaref yang sekarang nak betol-betol bersedia menjadi seorang suami soleh, seorang ayah mithali, then only I’ll say I love you…in short, When I say I love you, I’ll make sure on that time you are already halal to me so that I can kiss your forehead and show  my sincerety towards you.. tapi sape ‘you’ tu aku pon belom tau..semoga Allah kurniakan aku jodoh yang mampu menerima kisah silam aku dan bersama-sama aku untuk membentuk aku yang lebih baik pada mase depan. Teringat aku kate2 imam muda Asyraf time bicarawara Valentine
“Bercintalah selepas kahwin kerana kita ingin merasa nikmat cinta kurniaan Allah, dan bukannya cinta yang dipupuk sendiri. MasyaAllah, indahnya nikmat perasaan cinta itu apabila lahir dari keredhaan Allah kerana Allah itu Pemilik Cinta..”
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“Zaref, nanti balek kampung bawak kete elok2…kalau atok takde kat umah maknenye atok pegi menolong kat umah Pak Din, ayahnye Sara..”
Teringat aku call dari Atok last few days. Atok suruh aku balek, atok kate ade kenduri kawen kat umah Sara…time dengar tu rase nak gugur jantung! Rase macam…rase macam assignment yang dibuat dalam tempoh sebulan kene reject bulat2! Eh tak..lebih terok dari tu..Tapi aku kne berpijak pd bumi yang nyate..Aku tak layak untuk Sara…Aku sedar tu
Beratnye hati nak pergi kenduri tu, mne ade insan normal sanggup tengok orang yang die sayang kawen ngan orang len…tapi nak buat camne, aku kategori insan separa normal gamaknye. Lagipon, nak bagi alasan ape kat atok kalau tak nak pegi..takkan nak cakap
“Atok…Zaref ni sebenarnye da lame berkenan kat Sara tu…jadi, Zaref taknak pegi kenduri tu sebab hati ni rase macam kene cangkul kalau nengok die kat sebelah orang len..”
Uish, hilang macho aku….so, nak tak nak, g jugakla…
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Hensem bakal suami Sara, kire sepadan la dengan Sara..orangnye pon baik..Bak kate orang tue2, bak pinang dibelah due..tp hati aku ni je la yang rase mcm kne kerat 18…takpela, aku redha, aku doakan kebahgiaan Sara…
“Adoi! Sdare, kot ye pon umah ni sempit…takkan sy punye bsr  ni pon sdare tak prasan…”
“Eh, sori2…sy tak sgaje..sy mtk maaf sgt2..btol2 tak perasan td..” tula padah mengelamun time jalan, padan muko den! Abes terabur bekas gula2 yang dak pompuan ni ngah bawak.
“Sy tolong awk kutip…”
“Eh, xyah2…sy kutip sndri…”
“Sara????!!!!!!!”
“La..ko ke Zaref…napela asal aku jmpe ko je msti ade mende tak bez jd?”
“Ko…aik..bkn ko ke kawen ari ni?”
“Aku kawen?? Bukan aku la, tu cousin aku, parents die da takde, jd die buat kenduri kat umah aku senang sdare mare lain datang tolong”
Ya Allah..syukur Alhamdulillah…. Sesungguhnya Allah tahu hati setiap hambaNya..
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“Assalamualaikum….”
“Waalaikumussalam…aaa..”
“Aaaa…a ape?”
“abang…..”
“Ape? Tak dengar la, cube cakap kuat sket..”
“Jgan gedikla…..”
Merah muke Sara bile aku usik macam tu. Ni first time aku tengok die tanpa tudung. MasyaAllah, cantik! Dan kecantikan ni hanya untuk aku…sebab die da jadi kekasih halalku. Syukur Alhamdulillah, dalam diri yang serba kekurangan, Sara nak terima aku jadi suami die.
“Sara…I love you…I really do, when the first time I saw you, I felt something that I have never felt before..da banyak kali abang try nak confess pade Sara, tp there’s something seems preventing me from doing so..”
“Yela, sbb time tu Sara bukan milik abang…Untuk ape abang luahkan kate cinta bile Sara bukan yang halal untuk abang..”
“Abang tak boleh janji yang abang adelah yang terbaik utk Sara, tapi insyaAllah abang akan berusaha perbaiki kekurangan yang ade…harapan abang supya kite dapat membentuk keluarga yang asasnya adalah Islam, abang tak mau zuriat abang tersasar macam abang dulu..”
“Sara pon banyak kekurangan bang…insyaAllah kite same2 bina keluarga mengikut kehendak syarak…”
“Sayang…jom solat…”
Di akhir solat, aku panjatkan doa pada Allah, semoga perkahwinan ini diredhai dan diberkati dan semoga bakal zuriat kami nanti merupakan generasi penegak keadilan dan penjulang maruah agama




Ya Allah
Ampunkanlah dosa-dosa kami, dosa kedua ibu bapa kami
Guru-guru kami serta seluruh kaum muslimin dan muslimat
Jadikanlah kami insan yang lebih baik pada hari semalam
Ya Allah
Moga perkahwinan ini menjadikan kami insan yg lebih baik
Moga ia menjadi penguat semangat kami utk terus mencari keredhaanMu
Kekalkanlah ikatan kasih sayang diantara kami
Sabarkanlah kami dalam menghadapi dugaanMu
Kurniakanlah kami zuriat yg soleh dan solehah
Yang kelak bakal menjadi penegak keadilan Islam
Amin...amin..amin ya Rabb